The leading cause of financial ruin in retirement is financially supporting your children’s lifestyle.  Of course you should try to help them through the bumps and bruises of life, but don’t get into the habit of paying their rent, utilities or other recurring expenses.

According to Forbes Magazine:

Many retirees make gifts to their children for the down payment for a home or their grandchildren’s college educations. Or, if one child needs more financial help, the parents may feel the need to give an equal amount to their other children. While this is generous of them, the problem is that retirees cannot replace their money, while their adult children can earn money to cover these expenses.

Market Watch makes the following suggestion:

 There are ways for you and your child to achieve a healthier relationship with money — one in which your child gains financial independence and you get your retirement savings on track. Consider these steps:

The first step is identifying why you’re providing the support. Helping kids is “virtually always born out of love and concern,” Zimmerman says.

Before explaining the new arrangement to your adult child, figure out where you stand in terms of retirement savings. If you understand your money picture, you can tell your child exactly why you need to cut back. Plus, it’s a good way to model smart financial behavior.

Once you’re together, explain why your financial assistance will need to stop. For example, Zimmerman suggests saying something like this: “We calculated our income needs for retirement, and we’re falling short. That’s why we need to start preserving the little bit of excess that we have.”

Give your child some time to prepare by setting a date for when your contributions will end.

“Sometimes the better thing for the wealthy parent to do is to start connecting those children to the many resources that exist now: career counseling, life coaching, financial counseling,” Zimmerman says.

That way, she says, you can tell your child: “I want you to feel the joy of experiencing achievement and success, however you define it for yourself.”